She Had Become What He Said
The Introduction to The Lion's Den: Why we stop listening to the truth and start believing the lies.
Consider this: everywhere you turn in this country, there is a reminder of how women are degraded. We are constantly reduced to mere body parts. As a Black woman, I grew up being told I was born with two strikes against me…Black and female.
Now as an adult, I am constantly aware of what that means. I am always trying to find relevance and meaning beyond the stereotypes I encounter daily. To add insult to injury, hearing Black women referred to as “bitches” and “hoes” repeatedly does something to the psyche. It forces you to either internalize the insult or desensitize yourself to it. Either way, we cannot afford to ignore it.
I’ve heard women say, “If you aren’t a bitch or a ho, why be offended?” But I have also seen women dressing and acting suggestively because they believe what is said about them, that this is what is expected.
In my own confusion, I have been on both sides. I’ve alternated between internalizing these messages and numbing myself to them. It feels like a catch-22. I turn on the radio to hear hip-hop artists glorifying the women they are having sex with, only to declare those same women would never be good enough to bring home to “Mama.”
They claim they are just telling the truth and using their freedom of speech. But it makes me wonder: why do these labels and artists seem to hate us so much? Don’t we have it hard enough? Why are we always on the tips of their tongues? Sometimes I get cocky and think they should be thanking us for their sales, they clearly can’t stop talking about us.
Are they intimidated? Are they jealous? Freud talked about “penis envy,” but I have to wonder where the real envy lies.
Women are far more powerful than we have allowed ourselves to believe. This book isn’t about “girl power” or feminism in the typical sense; it’s about the fact that throughout history, there is strength in numbers. We need to support each other instead of dividing ourselves. We need to give strength to the women tempted to believe the lies and bring feeling back to those who have gone numb.
My story is essentially the story of a woman struggling to find confidence after internalizing what men said about her, versus what she needed to believe about herself. If these experiences can help even one person, every tear shed on this journey will have been worth it.
With that said, you may now enter The Lion’s Den.
He said... He believes she’s nothing and her life has no value. He says she can’t do anything right. He thinks she’s not beautiful and her emotions are unnecessary. He laughs at her pain and tells her that her love is ridiculous. He treats her like the dirt beneath his feet. Then he asks her why she lets everyone walk all over her.
But in truth... She looked up to him. She wanted to be like him. She did her best to love him, all of him. His mind fascinated her. His thoughts became her thoughts.
It was at that moment... That she believed she was nothing and her life had no value. At that moment, she said she couldn’t do anything right. At that moment, she began to think she must not be beautiful. At that moment, she mocked her own pain. At that moment, she felt like the dirt beneath his feet. At that moment, she began to let everyone walk all over her.
When she decided to love him, all of him, her value became her love’s sacrifice. When he decided he no longer valued her sacrifice, she realized the emptiness that sacrifice had left behind.
She had become what he said.